This week marks one year since I moved to Ecuador, and the journey I’ve been on since has been more beautiful than anything I could have imagined when I decided to take that step into the unknown.
I’ve always allowed myself to be guided by my intuition, trusting the feeling that emanates from within above all else. When the opportunity to move to Ecuador to explore the possibility of a job that seemed aligned with what I was looking for presented itself, the message from within was clear - I had to go for it.
There were a lot of unknowns. I had one phone conversation with the person looking to hire me to take over managing their retreat center. The offer was to come “feel it out” for a few weeks and go from there. It was unclear how much money I’d earn if it turned into a real opportunity. I didn’t know anyone in Ecuador besides my family. A bunch of fodder for my mind to get swept up in anxiety if I’d let it.
I’m careful with who I seek out if I am looking for advice (to avoid other people projecting their fears and anxieties onto me), but I spoke to a dear friend and medicine woman who said something to me that I’ll never forget – “the land is calling to you and there’s only one way to find out what for.”
And well, it was never about the job, but man am I grateful that I allowed myself to follow that call because what I found was myself, and everything that my soul was yearning for.
This is not to say that I went from 0 to finding myself and my life’s purpose overnight. I shared at great length the process that I took myself through over several years to get myself to this point on my friend’s podcast, for those that are interested.
But I share this because I consistently meet and speak with many people who share the same sentiment. They are looking for more from life. They want to live a life that feels meaningful to them. They have dreams and visions for who they want to be and how they want to live, but they don’t know how to get closer to that vision OR are scared to take steps to get closer to that vision because doing so goes against everything they’ve been taught to believe they should be doing and it goes against the grain of what everyone around them seems to be doing and striving for.
I get that. It’s not easy to do, but absolutely nothing has ever felt better than knowing that I’m living my life 100% for me. And even so, there are highs and there are lows. It’s a process, as all things are. My parents, for example, are extremely supportive of how I’ve decided to live my life, yet they don’t and may never truly understand what it is I’ve dedicated my life to, and deep down, my humanness wishes they would. It would be so lovely for my extremely devout father to understand that we believe in the same thing only we’re speaking a different language, instead of him asking me if I’m worshipping the devil in the ceremonies I take part in. And while my mom has become a bigger fan of Ayahuasca since she found out Prince Harry has sat in ceremony, I’m not sure how she feels about my career-less life.
Even though there have been difficult moments, they are also opportunities to cultivate more acceptance for things that I have no control over, to practice being more comfortable with not being understood, not wanting to change people and to have me be the only person whose approval I need.
This leap into the unknown has allowed me to cultivate a level of trust in myself and the universe that sustains me because I have experienced what’s on the other side of jumping off the proverbial cliff. I found the path and the teachers who are guiding me every day as I become more and more of the person I was born to be. I have met people and have developed relationships that allow me to feel what it’s like to be truly loved, seen, and held in the safest and most beautiful of ways. I have lived experiences that have filled every cell of my being with awe and wonder and just the sheer joy of being alive. It feels almost silly to say because I’ve been alive for 33 years, but only in the past year have I felt what it means to truly feel alive and not just to be alive but to enjoy life every single day.
And so, as I reflect on one year in my new home, I’m giving thanks for my life and for the gift that it is to be alive. I’m grateful for the opportunity to grow and learn every day. I’m grateful to this land that has received me and treated me so lovingly. For the beautiful souls in my life. There’s just so much to be grateful for always.
And for anyone reading this who has ever felt something from deep within calling towards something that feels more authentic to you, may you find it within yourself to trust that feeling and allow yourself to be guided into the unknown. While I’m certain that I know nothing, I feel certain that the only thing waiting for you on the other side of the cliff your intuition is leading you towards is nothing short of a life more beautiful than anything you could have possibly imagined.
